The Finally Healed Podcast with Jessica Lundy

Life or Death: The Untold Reality of Motherhood | Ep 6

• Jessica Lundy • Season 1 • Episode 6

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What happens when the serene vision of childbirth is upended by a life-threatening complication? Join me as I recount the raw and emotional journey through severe preeclampsia and the premature birth of my daughter, Abigail, at just 23 weeks. Faced with the daunting challenge of preterm birth, every moment was a testament to the strength and resilience required in the face of crisis. Through candid discussions with family and navigating the shock of a now-derailed professional path, this story reveals how such trials fortify character and prepare us for life's most unexpected turns.

Episode Highlights:

  • The importance of character and resilience during life's toughest moments.
  • Navigating the unexpected challenges of motherhood.
  • The power of community and the pivotal role it plays in overcoming adversity.
  • Practical advice and encouragement for mothers and those aspiring to be mothers.

If this episode touches your heart or you know someone who would benefit from hearing it, please share it with them. Let's create a supportive community for all women on their healing journeys.

November is Prematurity Awareness Month. If you experienced a premature birth, I encourage you to share your story. It might help others heal.

Healing Moment Action Item: If you are a mother I need you to write out what type of help you need/ desire to have. If you desire to be a mother, I need you to start speaking to your body and your womb to produce life. There is so much power in your words and your beliefs. 

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Join the Waitlist for our end-of-the-year event Elevate & Thrive in 2025. https://jessicalundy.com/workshop/

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Jessica Lundy

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Jessica Lundy:

I've known my whole life that I desired to be a mother, but I was in a rush when we found out we were pregnant. We were over the moon. We were excited. They told me I had something called severe preeclampsia. At that date they wanted to actually deliver me. I was fighting for my life During this situation. I was not weak. I did not crumble. This is why I say you got to work on your character. But that did not mean that having a daughter at 24 weeks was not going to come with some challenges. My daughter was born at one pound. She has a breathing tube. That's there. She has a feeding tube. She was on a ventilator and oxygen all of the things. If you desire to be a mother, I want you to start speaking to your womb.

Jessica Lundy:

Welcome to Finally Healed with Jessica Lundy podcast, where we prioritize mental health, self-care and embrace our healing journey together. Now this will probably be the only episode that I will give a little bit of a disclaimer. I might get emotional on this episode. We're going to be talking about motherhood and I really want you guys to meet me with some love and encouragement in the comments, because I'm going to be as honest with you as I wish somebody would have been with me. So, when you think about becoming a mother, this is something that a lot of little girls have desired to be their entire life. We're literally given baby dolls at five years old and are taught to be responsible for them and take care of them, and we take that role seriously. Just think about you with your baby dolls. You made sure that they were alive. They literally have baby alive now, and we're literally taught to be this nurturer, to be someone that is that caregiver, to give the love and all of the things that are required to be a really good parent.

Jessica Lundy:

And so I've known my whole life that I desired to be a mother, but I was in no rush. Let me tell you why Because I believe that being a parent is one of the most serious responsibilities on this planet. So someone could say like, oh, being the president or being a CEO or being a leader of a major corporation is one of the highest honors that you can have. But I believe one of the highest honors you can have is being a parent, and so I have always taken that role and responsibility very seriously. So I knew that I was going to be of a little bit more of a mature age you know, sister's still young and looking good, okay but more of a mature age to be a parent, because I wanted to make sure that I was healed prior to bringing trauma into someone else's life. I have the privilege and the honor to coach hundreds, if not thousands, of people, and I have seen so many people tell me stories about their trauma from their childhood, from their father not being in their life, from all of these different circumstances. Really, it came from parents not being healed prior to having their child.

Jessica Lundy:

So I knew, with the knowledge and the wisdom that I had prior to that, I was going to, on purpose, wait to have children. And so my husband and I were married eight years prior to us conceiving our daughter, and so for us, we had built that solid foundation. I had a clear vision of what it would look like to have a child, to have a daughter. We were going to travel the world, do all these amazing things. Like I'm already thinking about the nanny. Did anybody else watch the show the Nanny when you were a kid and you just assumed that you were going to have enough money to have a nanny? I just always assume, because of the show that I was going to have a nanny Right. Like I remember watching the Cosbys being like that's the kind of family I'm going to have. Like I'm going to have this beautiful family and this big house. Like that's the one thing I love about them classic TV shows is they really showed how beautiful having a family was. Like I'm looking forward to the day that we have those taco Tuesdays or going to my daughter's first recital. Those are things that were a part of the vision that I desire to have as a mother.

Jessica Lundy:

And my husband my phenomenal, incredible husband I have known since the first day that we met that he would be the most incredible father. First day that we met, that he would be the most incredible father, and I am so grateful and so honored. I do not take for granted that he has been everything I expected and so much more, because, growing up without a father, my father passed away when I was 10 years old, when he was on tour. He was a musician, just a phenomenal, talented human that contributed so much to the music industry. But he did pass away when I was young. So I grew up without a father and, honestly, before then he wasn't really involved. But I'm so grateful that my mother never said one negative word about my father. She always talked about him like he was the most incredible human on the earth and all I have is love and admiration for him.

Jessica Lundy:

But growing up in a single household, I knew that I wanted to have a strong foundation as a family. So my vision was clear on what I desired to have. So when we found out we were pregnant, we were over the moon. We were excited, I promise you from day one, because I do have a very close relationship with God. So I knew early on that I was pregnant. I knew early on that I was having a daughter. I knew early on her name and actually the meaning of her name baby Abigail. Some of y'all know baby Abigail, our sweet, precious baby. And so I do get a lot of people asking me like, why haven't we posted pictures of Abigail? And I'm going to get into that as well.

Jessica Lundy:

But I had a very clear vision of what I wanted by month one, y'all, I had a baby shower planned out. I had watched a hundred, if not a thousand, youtube videos on all this stuff from motherhood, but nothing could have prepared me at week 23 to have gained 60 pounds in four months and be so swollen that I could not feel any feeling in my feet. I almost passed out in the shower because of how much pain that I was in, and I remember having a conversation with my amazing best friend. Shout out to Markita, who prayed for me. Y'all, when y'all are thinking about friendships, you need someone who's going to be there for you, like, not just talk about themselves. Like she would check on me throughout my pregnancy and I'll never forget when she was like something's going on, like you need to go to the hospital immediately, and my friend saved my life. And the only reason that my friend knew what was going on was because my husband reached out to her. That's why you have to be with somebody who's going to support you, going to have your back. He husband reached out to her. That's why you have to be with somebody who's going to support you, going to have your back. He knew something was wrong and he knew he needed to come from a specific person's voice that I would hear like an alarm to take action. Y'all.

Jessica Lundy:

When I went into that hospital, the nurse was like they immediately like rushed me, like I was going to have to go into labor and I'm thinking like this is my first child, so I don't really know how this works. But I know at four and a half months pregnant you're not supposed to be having no kid. That's a little bit too premature. And so when I went there, the lady was like, oh you look nine months pregnant. I thought you were full term and at that point that's when I realized that I had gained so much weight. Now let me do this a little caveat. I was not eating for two. I didn't change my diet. I was actually eating pretty clean. I was working out Like I was not working out. Let me let me be honest. I wasn't working out, but you know, I was walking my day to walk. I was walking Right, so I was doing all the things like nothing had changed.

Jessica Lundy:

When I got there, they told me I had something called severe preeclampsia and when they checked my blood pressure, it was like 200. And it was supposed to be way less than that, and at that day they wanted to actually deliver me. Y'all good old Google. Shout out to Google. I Googled the likelihood of survival at 23 weeks and it said low. So I started going we week. Likelihood of survival at 24 weeks. It said 50% better than 23 weeks. And in real time I told the doctor that I was not delivering, that I was going to have to at least wait to 24 weeks, but most likely I'd rather just stay on bed rest. They transferred me hospitals because the hospital that I was at did not have a NICU. Y'all this is so crazy.

Jessica Lundy:

The day that I had my daughter, my husband literally decided that we were going to bring like everything but the kitchen sink. So, y'all, we had bought a refrigerator, we bought a microwave. We were like, listen, if we're going to be here, let's at least be comfortable. Okay, let's get some uh, tempur-pedic, you know, sheets. It's like we're going to get, we're going to get all the fixings. Okay, we're gonna make this into a palace. We were we're always already thinking about decorating the walls, and so at that moment I was like so comfortable. I was like, yeah, I could, I could spend another few months here. Now, let's pause for a minute. I am an international, well-renowned speaker, so what does that mean? If I'm only five months pregnant, I'm still a part of a tour, y'all.

Jessica Lundy:

The day that I delivered my daughter, I was supposed to be in Northern Georgia. Two days after that, I was supposed to be in the Dominican Republic. I was actually on tour. I had to call my agent and be like hey, like pause, the tour put out a press release. Like we had to go through all of the things in real time as I was fighting for my life.

Jessica Lundy:

I'll never forget a conversation my husband and I had to have like in real time on if I don't make it like I want you to take care of our daughter, like you can take care of our daughter, and then also, if they have to choose between me or her, you're going to have to choose her. That is a conversation that nobody should have to have, because nobody wants to have to choose between their wife that they've been married to for 10 years and a baby they have not even met. That they've been married to for 10 years and a baby they have not even met. That is still a hard, challenging conversation to even think about having to have. But as you feel your health declining y'all, they don't give you a second. They ain't like TV. They don't give you a second to process the decisions that you're having to make and all of a sudden, as we think we're doing, I'm doing pretty good. A swarm of team comes in. It's like we're delivering a baby now.

Jessica Lundy:

Mind you, two hours prior they told me I could stay another few months and now, in a split second, my blood pressure was at like 220. Like I was about to die, y'all. At that point I don't really remember anything else. I just really don't remember anything else. I kind of blacked out. I ended up having to get four epidurals.

Jessica Lundy:

Now my initial vision was to have a doula there, a birthing plan, y'all, maybe some water. I see that on Instagram. That looks cool. I want something spectacular. I was going to have the synths playing. I was going to have like worship music, like we're going to bring this baby into, like an atmosphere, like it was going to be a vibe. I had an outfit.

Jessica Lundy:

None of that happened and, to be honest, that's what they say. Like man makes a plan and like God laughed. Like God was rolling like on the floor, laughing like hysterically because none of that. That. That went out the window. And at one point, y'all they forgot to even go get my husband. Like we were halfway through the c-section and they like, oh snap, her husband isn't here, let me go get him. Crazy, crazy, y'all crazy. And let me just. Let me just answer a question I know y'all asking, I know some of y'all like, as I'm telling you this story, you might might be thinking like, oh, if she had a black woman doctor and they listened to her, like this wouldn't have happened. No, no, let me be clear, my doctor was a black woman and this still happened.

Jessica Lundy:

We can do everything on paper in a moment's notice. Sometimes situations happen and we got to pivot and when I can say with confidence that I was a warrior during this situation, I was not weak, I did not crumble. This is why I say you got to work on your character, because character is really exposed at your rawest moment. You don't get to be a superhero when you feel like being a superhero. You got to be born into that. You got to work on that art, you got to work on that art, you got to work on that craft and I truly feel like I became a woman, like a grown woman, after that experience. So when I think about fear, when I think about unbelief, when I think about doubt, like I feel like a superhero.

Jessica Lundy:

I had so many friends tell me throughout my career early on my managers, being in the TV industry, always told me to wait to have children To really like having children would be a distraction. But my very successful friends told me the opposite. They said when you have a child, you're going to be the most successful version of you, because what you're going to have to endure to actually have a child will really put you through the fire. And I went through the fire and it didn't burn me. I came out so strong and resilient. But that did not mean that having a daughter at 24 weeks was not going to come with some challenges. My daughter was born at one pound, like a pound, and we went on a journey. That journey led to 285 days in the hospital. Shout out to CHOA Children's Hospital of Atlanta. They held us down. Amazing hospital, one of the best hospitals in the country. I'm grateful to live in Georgia and for my daughter to have received exceptional care. There were times when they actually brought in specialists to make sure she was well.

Jessica Lundy:

One of the prayers that I prayed. I hope nobody watching this has to go through anything, but the reality is children are born with challenges. One of the main things that we pray for is I want a healthy child. People say do you want a boy? You want a girl? I want them to be healthy. You need to start defining what healthy is.

Jessica Lundy:

Some of you have children that have special needs. Some of you have children that are blind, that have, that are deaf. Some of you have children that have such rare diseases that you might be trying to tell them to your family and your friends and they don't even understand. I just I see the struggles and the challenges that you're going through, the isolation that you're feeling. I see you and you're not alone. Let me tell you. Let me tell you one thing that helped me get through going through 285 days, nine months, with my daughter at the hospital.

Jessica Lundy:

Y'all them Facebook groups. I know, in a day and age of Instagram and TikTok, facebook doesn't seem like cool and exciting. I done Facebook groups saved my life. My daughter has a trach, so she has a breathing tube. That's there and she has a feeding tube. When I tell you, when we came home, she was on a ventilator oxygen, all of the things. I'm sitting there looking at my car like do they upgrade you to an SUV when your child has all this medical equipment? Because this is not about the fit of my car. Okay, little cute little car I have, you know, but we made it work.

Jessica Lundy:

So, some of the things that feel like they're going to break you, some of the things that seem like they're too much, some of y? Y'all that have older children and they might've told you things that you're like how are we going to come back from this? You came back from it. So to the moms out there, I want to say that you're the most resilient people on the planet. You're the most extraordinary human and you deserve to receive your flowers every day. I know people get excited about Mother's Day, but you deserve for it to feel like Mother's Day every day. You deserve to be around people that understand you and get you and love you and support you and champion you, because you deserve it. You also deserve that day off.

Jessica Lundy:

I realized that self-care during that experience and during my current experience, really it wasn't optional. We were at life, we were at the hospital every day and y'all oh my God, I can't believe I forgot this part. I was still like pumping, like breast milk, like that's crazy, like with the amount of stress that I was under, I was taking them cookies. Y'all shout out to the cookie industry, the people making them. Lactation cookies. They're delicious. I never forget like it was yesterday. It was like a sea salt caramel one. Why was some cookies delicious? I almost wanted to buy some the other day because they were so good. I've been delivered. I don't need those cookies any longer, but I did everything Like I learned about myself, because breastfeeding was the hardest thing in my life.

Jessica Lundy:

And then the doctors had the audacity at nine months and my daughter nine months old they're talking about someone. Would you like to start actually breastfeeding? It's a little too late. It's a little too late. I'm done. I'm done. The. The store is closed. The store is closed. It's too late, but I'm grateful because one of the things they did tell me early on is that the breast milk kept my daughter alive.

Jessica Lundy:

When you hear that, doesn't matter if it's painful, doesn't matter if it's stressful, doesn't matter if it's like we were going up to the hospital three times a day. I'm talking about driving an hour to an hour and a half in rush hour traffic and morning traffic and nighttime traffic. We were living at the hospital Like. There was a point in time where I lived out of a suitcase for three months. We lived at the. We lived across the street from the hospital for three months and y'all know who came and made sure we were taken care of.

Jessica Lundy:

My community, the communities that I was a part of, the associations I was a part of. Like I need you to know that it's okay to ask for help. We're told that we got to be so strong all the time and that we got to figure it all out, like what's the purpose of community if you can't rely on them for nothing? When I found out I'm paying into all these associations and then when the situation happened to me, I could actually get support, like we got to stop feeling guilty for accepting help. It's not about being the strongest person in the room, it's about surviving. So for some of you that desire to be mothers, you desire to be pregnant, like I want you to lock in on that vision. Like when I decided, like when I made the mental shift of wanting to be a mother, I got to work and started having pictures of what it would look like to be a mother, what it would look like to y'all.

Jessica Lundy:

I'm still trying to figure out this situation of doing my daughter's hair. I don't know why that doesn't come with a manual. You two be lying to us. It really be empowering me to think I could do a hairstyle. And then, look, I show my husband the finished product and he's like, oh, you just getting started. And I'm like this is this, is this is done. Shout out to the hairstylist has a hairstylist?

Jessica Lundy:

That feels crazy to say, but you got to know your strengths as a mother. I don't have to do everything. You know what I'm saying. Like shout out to the house cleaners. Like can we start allowing women to feel okay by getting some support? Like, why do you have to be a successful woman working 40 hours a week and you can't get help for somebody to do your kid's hair or to clean your house? What in the world? So I want y'all to set that as a goal. Like, let's get to the healing moment. I need you to write down what type of help you need If you are a mother, what kind of help you need If you desire to be a mother. Okay, start making a list of what you want. I put on there. Like I put that I wanted to have a nanny for my daughter. Guy gave me a nurse. I have some of the most amazing home nurses, so he will exceed your expectation. We don't know sometimes what we'd be praying for, but I'm so grateful that I have these nurses that are helpful, that help take care of my daughter. We definitely plan to homeschool her. You know. We plan to give her every resource possible so that she can thrive. That comes with vision and intentionality.

Jessica Lundy:

A lot of times people say, like kids are expensive, they don't have to be expensive if you plan accordingly. I'm never going to see my daughter as a liability. Everything about her is an asset. I don't even see her challenges and her disabilities. I promise you, even though we're in therapy, we got physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists. Our therapist got a therapist. I got my own therapist. Come on somebody. So you got to have whatever resources you need. So I need you to make a list, if you're a mother, what resources you need and put money aside. I don't want you to worry about money because sometimes you desire to have certain things but you're like I can't afford it. You ain't even looked up how much it costs. They even got delivery services where somebody can come pick up your laundry and drop it off. It's not that expensive. A lot of stuff we think is expensive. We have no clue. So. So I need you to do that work.

Jessica Lundy:

If you desire to be a mother, I want you to start speaking to your womb, like speak to what you desire to have. Don't worry about what they said about the infertility. Don't worry about what they said is in your lineage. Don't worry about it. Worry what you desire to have. And speak to your body, like declare and decree what you want to happen to your body. I don't care if your sister had to go another way. I don't care if you're halfway thinking about having to get in vitro. I don't care where you're at in your process. Speak to your body and command it to come in alignment with your purpose. If you believe you are purposed to be a mother, then start calling yourself a mother.

Jessica Lundy:

On the day that I believed that we conceived my daughter, I started holding my daughter. I started carrying, holding my stomach. I started visualizing my stomach growing. I didn't have no positive pregnancy test. I literally just had what I believe was the voice of God telling me I was pregnant. So I was like, okay, if I'm pregnant, I got to start acting pregnant and I believe faith is the reason that I am now a mother of a almost two-year-old daughter. Okay, and she's thriving. Like every time we go to the doctor, they're confused on how she's doing stuff. That is clearly a miracle. That was my prayer, god, if I got to go through this. Let the doctors experience a miracle.

Jessica Lundy:

And some of y'all have such big dreams and you wonder why you're going through situation after situation. Because you were created to help another woman going through something major. Do you know the amount of women that I've been able to help that have children with challenges? If I hadn't gone through a challenge, I wouldn't even be qualified to help them. So I need you to use your voice, share your story. This is just me, wife to wife, mother to mother, woman to woman, sharing my story so that I can hopefully help and heal you as well.

Jessica Lundy:

This has been a very impactful, emotional version of the Finally Healed with Jessica Lundy podcast. This is one of those ones that you got to share with a friend. I know, as you were listening to this, you thought of a woman in mind that you wanted to share this with. Be that good friend, share the podcast with them, but I also need you to like. Like it, comment, leave a review. This podcast has the ability to change women's lives, but the reality is that's only gonna happen if you share it with another woman. Listen, I got some exciting news I heard. We've been listening. Y'all said that y'all want us to start a community, so we're going to create that special place for the woman that's watching this. You don't have to do this thing called life alone, so we're creating something special. We have a wait list If you want to know more about it, check out the show notes so that we can have 2025 be the best year of our life. You deserve this. You got this.