The Finally Healed Podcast with Jessica Lundy

Can Your Marriage Survive Ambition | Ep 5

• Jessica Lundy • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Welcome back to The Finally Healed Podcast with Jessica! In this powerful and transformative episode, your host Jessica Lundy dives deep into the complexities of relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or already married, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you build and maintain the loving, supportive relationship you deserve.

Episode Highlights:

  • The importance of clarity and non-negotiables in a partner
  • Jessica's viral moment on The Next Level Living podcast
  • How honesty and intentionality can strengthen your relationship
  • The significance of submission and being a helpmate
  • Balancing personal and professional ambitions within a relationship
  • The power of vision boards and manifesting your ideal partner
  • Real talk on the challenges and hard work required for long-lasting love

Jessica shares personal stories, practical advice, and a call to action that will inspire you to prioritize your mental health, embrace your healing journey, and achieve the relationship of your dreams.

Healing Moment of the Week: This week’s action item focuses on gaining clarity. If you're single, get specific about what you want in a partner. If you're in a relationship, assess what's working and what needs to change to align your visions for the future.

Join the Conversation: What are your non-negotiables in a partner? How do you navigate challenges in your relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences on social media and tag @finallyhealedpod.

Join the Waitlist for our end-of-the-year event Elevate & Thrive in 2025. https://jessicalundy.com/workshop/

Remember, you deserve love and happiness. Let’s continue to heal and grow together. You got this! 

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RESOURCES

Jessica Lundy

Connect with Jessica on Instagram @jessicalundytv and follow the Podcast @FinallyHealedPod.

Needs some extra motivation? I got you. Start your day with the 'Wake Up and Win Audio Affirmations' and have Jessica as your personal cheerleader. Get Your Copy Today.

Jessica Lundy:

I think you got to go into relationships knowing what is dying, and I knew if I was going to be that award-winning TV host, if I was going to be that international motivational speaker, if I was going to be a mother, I was going to have to marry someone that was going to be willing to help me, to support me, to encourage me, to lift me up, because it was going to be a lot of weight that I was going to have to carry Not physical weight, right, but like the mental requirement that it was actually going to take to be successful. Welcome to Finally Healed with Jessica Lundy podcast, where we prioritize mental health, self-care and embracing our healing journey together. Now I need you to strap in for this one, okay, because this might get a little bit controversial. This might step on some toes. Um, this might make you reflect on some decisions you made in the past that you might be like, ooh, I wish I didn't make them. But I believe this episode has the ability to change your life and, most importantly, change the relationships you have with the most important people in your life. Today we're talking all about relationships and we're getting real and we're getting raw and we're getting honest. Recently, I had a conversation with some of the ladies that are a part of my community and we were just talking about, like, what to look for in a significant other, like what works for you, what doesn't work for you, and y'all it came up about my viral clip. So if you don't follow me personally on Instagram, make sure you follow me at Jessica Lundy TV. But I had the amazing opportunity to be on the next level living podcast where I was asked about my husband and y'all. The clip went viral. The video is so good. Take a minute, just watch this.

Jessica Lundy:

So many people that are single say they want to be married. But are you willing to submit? Like there's this whole energy of self-made like I'm not self-made, like I'm god made. Come on right and then god put me in alignment with a spouse who gets me. Because I needed a help mate. Like I knew that I was created to serve at a high level and to lead at a high level. I needed a husband that was humble, that was willing to support me in the ways that I needed to support. He wasn't a photographer before we met. What? Oh, okay, he wasn't a videographer before we met. We got married and in six months I said hey look, I want to have my own tv show. I'm about to buy some equipment. You think you can become my creative director. So then he had to put the work in to be what I needed and essentially I called my husband a helpmate and that made people offended.

Jessica Lundy:

The craziest thing about that offending people is the whole purpose of a relationship is for one person to submit to the other person and the other person to submit to you see what I'm saying? Like relationship is supposed to be about you pouring love in and the other person pouring love in. You serving, you being kind, you being loyal, you being giving. Like it is a sacrifice to be in a relationship. The movies have lied to us. It makes it seem like relationships are easy, it makes it seem like it's not that hard to have this perfect relationship, but the reality is it takes work, it really takes intentionality, and so today we're going to kind of dive into some of the things we need to look for in those relationships, why sometimes you know we're allowing outside voices, outside influences, to affect our relationship. So I just want to encourage you to just be open minded when you think about what you need in a helpmate.

Jessica Lundy:

So I have known since I was a little kid probably about five years old that I was going to be a star. I knew that I was going to be successful. I knew I was going to do something at a high level. So, when it came to getting into a relationship and really thinking about marriage and my family and the quality of life that I wanted, like, I took the time to do the work One month y'all. One month before meeting my husband, I actually created a vision board. It at the top 2013 was going to be my year to fall in love and get married, and I went old school with it. You know, I got the, the ebony magazine and essence and I was like yo, this is gonna be black love and like all this stuff. But the last relationship that I got out of, prior to like all the stuff that I said I really wanted, I had to reflect that that person that I was with previously did not meet the requirement, and so I knew if I really desired to be married, I had to go into my next relationship with a level of clarity, not convenience. See, sometimes we focus so much on a lot of vanity metrics that you can really miss the person that's actually destined for you. And so, yes, I wanted somebody attractive. My husband is fine, okay, let's be clear. But that was only one, one of the many requirements. I needed somebody who really understood my vision. I met my husband at a very pivotal point in my life. I really desired at the at the time to be on television. I desired to have my own talk show, and when I met him, I kind of laid out the vision of what I desire to have.

Jessica Lundy:

Sometimes we go into the dating scene and you're like I don't want to be too much, I don't want to share too much, I don't want to feel too desperate, and we're like overthinking. But what I realize is honesty is one of the best things that you can bring to a first date. We did old school courting, which seems so foreign to so many people. We literally talked on the phone every day, 12 hours, 18 hours, like literally put the world on pause to make sure that this was going to be solid, and we didn't even actually go on our first official date to courting for a month. I just want y'all to pause Like we wouldn't. We didn't meet online Like we actually met, met in person. You know what I mean, spent the time on the phone building something solid, and then when I realized, okay, this is a go, this is worth my time, I'm going to go all in on this, then that's when we actually went on a date. And I'm going to be honest, when you do all of that work, it makes you a little bit nervous when you actually finally go on that date and them first.

Jessica Lundy:

One to two dates was not the most amazing thing. I'm pretty sure at some point my husband will be on the pod and give his take on it as well. But your girl had some big expectations. Okay, I was looking for some creativity on that date. He gave me exactly what I wanted. Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute. We got to stop setting these men up that's him in the background. We got to stop setting these men up for failure. Okay, our list of what we want on the list is so long that even Jesus Christ of Nazareth couldn't even fulfill your desires, okay.

Jessica Lundy:

So we got to kind of come back to reality. Now that I look at it in my maturity, the date he planned was quite exceptional, but I was looking at other. What other people, let's be honest, I was looking at what other people were doing on Instagram and thought that's what I needed, but the reality is, god knew what I needed and he allowed me to meet somebody that was going to give me everything I needed and more Stuff I didn't even know that I needed, and so I'm grateful that I serve a God that is willing to give me exceedingly, abundantly, above all, that I could ask or think or even imagine, even on my vision board. Let me be honest Some of the stuff that I put on the vision board is stuff that I thought I knew, but I'm so grateful that I'm always willing to a creator right, submitting your vision to what the creator has created for you. That is important. You know, when I was making that vision board you know putting them pictures on the poster board I realized that I had to trust God in the process, that with my own knowledge and wisdom, that really wasn't going to be enough, because I'm only looking at a couple months away, or six months or a year from now, and God is looking at my whole existence. So I want you to kind of look back at that list If you haven't already started creating that long laundry list of requirements that somebody has to fulfill.

Jessica Lundy:

I want you to ask what's on there that's actually a necessity, like what's my non-negotiables? I think you got to go into relationships. Knowing what is is is dire, and I knew if I was going to be that award-winning TV host, if I was going to be that international motivational speaker, if I was going to be a mother, I was going to have to marry someone that was going to be willing to help me, to support me, to encourage me, to lift me up, because it was going to be a lot of weight that I was going to have to carry, not physical weight, right, but like the mental requirement that it was actually going to take to be successful to launch something like this kind of a podcast, to launch these platforms and these communities for women to heal. It takes support behind the scenes to be able to do that. So I really want you to lock in on what's important to you, what works for you.

Jessica Lundy:

Now some of y'all are watching this and you're like Jess, I'm already like in a relationship and that thing might not be looking right. I'm going to be honest with you Every day in my marriage has not looked right. Every day has not looked like I want to keep fighting or I want to do this. There have been days where I wanted to give up Right, like society tells us it's easier to kind of try again and just try again. Society tells us it's easier to kind of try again and just try again, but I decided that I made a commitment that I was going to stick with. Commitments are very important to me, very vital, and when I think about we'll talk about this a little bit more later but when I think about everything that I've experienced with my daughter, I'm grateful that I created the life right with somebody who was going to support me and not leave ship when things got hard. So we have to make the decision, as human, as women, as adults, to do the hard work, and so we know a lot of work is required if we want to lose weight. We know work is required. We won't want to work our way up the corporate ladder or expand our business, but we got to also do the work when it comes to our relationships, to not just get the person but keep the person, our relationships, to not just get the person but keep the person.

Jessica Lundy:

Uh, recently I was listening to another podcast, a secret to success podcast, where uh, cj and jamal were talking about marriage bliss. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't grow up in a household seeing marriage. I grew up with a single mother so I didn't even know bliss was even the goal. I've seen so many people like just kind of struggling through marriage just two people just coexisting and when I heard that, like it created a shift in my mindset and so I want you to figure out, like what is the goal you desire to have in the relationships you're in? Is it just two people trying to figure out life or is it two people trying to do something extraordinary and journey, enjoying the journey throughout the entire experience, to really be able to enjoy the relationships you're in? That comes from intentionality, that comes from service. So I really want you to just take a moment and get clear on what is important to you in this season of your life and let that be known to the person that you love. Let that be known to the person that you desire to either spend the rest of your life with or spend the next. You know decade, two decades with you know all of this, but you deserve love. You know all of this, but you deserve love.

Jessica Lundy:

So I don't want you to look at some of the things from your past, right, some of the relationships that might not have ended up the way that you desired them to go, and you might be feeling like I have messed up too many relationships for somebody to love me. That's not true. That's not true. I always tell women like you only need one person. So when people tell me like yo, the dating scene out here is trash, there's nobody available, there could be a billion people that are wrong for you, but if you find that one person that's right for you, that one person that's going to rock with you, no matter if you ask your lowest of lows and your highest of highs like that's why I'm so grateful that we didn't rush and have children like and everybody is different. So I don't want you to hear that and think like, oh man, like we had children, you know, like what about us? Like we're all different. But I know for me, waiting to be married eight years and then having a child, when, when the challenges that we experienced, what our daughter came across like that didn't shake us, that didn't, that didn't sway us. It actually brought us closer together and so you want to be able to do life with somebody.

Jessica Lundy:

When things get challenging, when things get hard, when sickness and disease comes in, like that's why them vows, when we say death do us part that you can almost hear that and think it's being a little bit dramatic. And sickness and in health, something's going to happen to you, like let's just be honest, something will happen to you, your family, your kids, like we don't know. But you got to be able to do life with somebody that's going to encourage you, support you, be your biggest cheerleader. And if you don't have that and you're currently in a relationship, then you need to have that conversation with them. You got to have that conversation. Them tough conversations are some of the best conversations.

Jessica Lundy:

We have to get over the fear of man. What if this person leaves me? If I be honest with them, if you're honest and you share your heart, and somebody isn't willing to receive that, that's not the best for you. That's not the best for you. So I want you to be honest. I can, I can already tell as I, as I'm saying this there, there's some of you right now that are like crying as I'm saying this because you're thinking about some things that you haven't told your significant other and some stuff that you've been hiding and you're hoping they're not gonna find out. It's time to tell them and if you are a person of faith, I pray that you will pray prior so that God will move upon your heart so that you truly can get the release that you deserve and they can start embracing their healing journey.

Jessica Lundy:

Listen, so I know when I talked earlier about that vision board that I created, that I was able to manifest my husband in one month after creating it, I know y'all was thinking, sis, I'm gonna need all of them prompts, I need to figure out all of the stuff you did to capture your husband's heart in a month. Okay, let me know in the comments like send me a DM If you think that I should create a vision board party, like something we can do at the end of the year to really get our vision clear so you can have the relationship of your dream bump, that you can have the life of your dream, because you deserve it. So we have come to my favorite part of the show, called the healing moment, where we have an action item related to the topic, and this week's healing moment is all about clarity I want you to get clear, if you're single, on what you want in a significant other, like, what does that Prince Charming look like for you? Like what do they look like, not just physically, but how do they move, how do they act, where do they work? You know, who do they worship, like all of that stuff is really, really important. And then if you're already married you're already in a solid relationship. I need you to start asking yourself what do I need to change? Like what's working, what's not working? How many times a week do you want to be going on a date? How many times a month do you want what do vacations look like for you? And really lock in on that vision and don't let anybody steal that vision away from you.

Jessica Lundy:

So this has been another amazing episode of the Finally Healed podcast with Jessica Lundy. I hope this episode helped you, like I really hope it helped heal some of the things that you might not be even sharing with anybody else. Uh, if you enjoyed it, just put that five star review. Let us leave a comment right so that we can engage with you to answer some of the questions that you might have about relationships. And remember, at the end of the day, you got this.